Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Nothing in life will ever make you as happy, sad, exhausted, or proud as motherhood. Unknown
Yesterday was my daughter’s first Mother’s Day as a mother and my first Mother’s Day as a grandmother. It was a lovely day with our Cherry tree blooming in the backyard, and the Star Magnolia ablaze in blossoms. We made a pancake breakfast and my Mother-In-Law joined us for the day.
My grandson had his great-grandma, grandma, grandpa, mommy, daddy, and later his aunt and uncle enjoying the day. My son’s wedding is less than three weeks away. We went over seating arrangements, who will be giving speeches, and last-minute details.
I gave my grandson a bottle of breast milk while his mom cooked the pancakes. Next Saturday I will be looking after him while she goes to my future daughter-in-law’s bachelorette party. This will be my daughter’s first outing without her son.
My son-in-law holds his son still with a look of awe at this addition to his life. The bonding that is done at this stage in an infant’s life might lay the foundation for future relationships. If our children don’t form strong attachments this can cause severe problems throughout their life. One of the joys of holding my grandson is how intently he gazes back as if we are in a mind-meld.
Motherhood is romanticized but the early bond between mother and child is important and not to be dismissed lightly. We might not have a lot of time to create the bonds that shape our lives.
Being part of a close-knit family is one of the joys in life. They are often messy, raucous, and perfectly imperfect families, but they are ours. No matter how long we are apart when we get together it is fun and filled with laughter, sometimes some angst and tears. We go through life with our families, especially the bond we have with our mother and father color all parts of our life. We never escape the influence of our early years. If we are lucky they set us up for life, love, and future relationships.
Succeeding as a mother is one of the joys of life. We get to see our children take their place in the world. They are ready to create families of their own and the chain continues. Having great parents is one of the biggest blessings in my life as it is in anyone’s life so blessed. If we get the love we need early it sustains us and helps us find relationships that work.
Love is the tie that binds. The redeeming power of love in our lives can be what makes the difference in our lives. We don’t understand why some babies don’t develop a secure attachment to their mothers?
Attachment is a relationship in the service of a baby’s emotion regulation and exploration. It is the deep, abiding confidence a baby has in the availability and responsiveness of the caregiver. Alan Sroufe
A secure attachment has at least three functions. It provides a sense of safety and security. It Regulates emotions, by soothing distress, creating joy, and supporting calm and it offers a secure base from which to explore.
In spite of the long scientific history of attachment, psychologists have done a poor job of communicating what a secure attachment is, and how to create one. There is a difference between a “tight” connection and a secure attachment. A tight attachment – together all the time – might actually be an anxious attachment,” Alan Sroufe explains. He says it isn’t what we do exactly, it is also the caregiver’s orientation and attunement: is the caregiver stressed or calm, checked out or engaged, and are they reading the baby’s signals.
Of course, it isn’t as easy as breastfeeding over the bottle, it is how one feels breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, and the interaction with the baby. What are important researchers tell us is that the baby develops a generalized trust that their caregiver will respond and meet their needs, or that when mismatches occur, the caregiver will repair them (and babies, themselves, will go a long way toward soliciting that repair).
Nothing in life it seems is easy, or simple, and parenting is certainly not. The more we worry about it the worse it might be. We may have to trust ourselves and our babies, enjoy the experience and do the best we can. Enjoying being a parent may be more important than we think. When we can find joy in life, and we are around people who are enjoying life don’t we all feel better?
Motherhood is a forever love story… Enjoy every minute and treasure it. Isa
A mother’s love is more beautiful than any fresh flower. Debasish Mridha
Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart. Anonymous
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